July 30, 2024 - Read Online​

Everyone has beliefs and passions. And everyone knows someone that they wish could understand their beliefs and passions. It's easy to think "everything would be better if he/she saw things the way I do."

It may be something as simple as your roommate understanding how to do the dishes your way. It may be your spouse understanding how you organize your closet. It may be your parents understanding why you wish they would go to therapy. It may be your boss understanding your motives and morals. It may be your employees understanding your motivation and business sense. It may be your kids understanding why your way is better.

You wish they would "get it" in the way that you do. And when they don't - it is easy to resent them.

Whenever we try to share - we have a choice in how we share. We can take what I call an "evangelism" approach or a "gospel" approach. Growing up in the church, these are terms I found that applied to much more than sharing Jesus with people. Let me explain:

Growing up I interpreted evangelism as "helping make more people into Christians". This was often accomplished using strong logic and emotional arguments. The goal was to convince people to join the side I was on.

I interpreted gospel as "sharing good news." Meaning - telling people something good that they may not know. Like a doctor sharing good results from the scans with their patient. The goal was to be honest and get the word out.

Evangelism is about trying to get more people to join our team.

Gospel is about inviting people to see something good we have found. It lets go of the end results. It is honest storytelling that respects the autonomy of the other.

(Some may push back here and want to tell me the historical origins of these words. Please note - I am not necessarily talking about Christian Evangelism or Christian Gospel here. I am talking about our posture when we share something good with others).

So- how does this apply to those of us who have committed to becoming good people?

We have committed to the daily battle of learning temperance while others indulge.

We have committed to seeking wisdom while others do not filter what or who they listen to.

We have committed to doing the right thing while others do what feels best in the moment.

We have committed to following courage while others allow fear to lead them through life.

As we grow in these virtues, we taste the goodness that comes from their fruit. We do more good. We become more of the people we ought to be. We gain clarity on how to live.

The risk is that there is a great temptation to evangelize as we improve. There is a temptation to try to make our spouse, friends, parents, kids, and colleagues do as we do.

And when they do not follow in our footsteps - it is easy to resent them.

We resent them because we have forgotten the first step of our journey: our choice. We have forgotten that this path is something we chose to walk. We chose to work on getting better.

They did not choose the path we chose. And we are unable to make them choose it.

So we must detach ourselves from needing to see others change.

If we share at all, we must share a gospel. Share the good news that virtue leads to resilience and joy. Share that getting to bed early and getting sober and dealing with your demons leads to a better life.

And when we share, we must remember that the hearer did not choose the path we did. We must not share as a way to win them to our cause. We must share as a way to love them.

And once we have shared, we must let go of what they do with it.

When we let go of needing to influence their choice we give them the gift that each of us started this journey with: The freedom to choose.

We give them the option to choose this path for themselves.

Remember the moment you chose for yourself to follow the path? Your choice was an essential ingredient for you. Let them have that ingredient too.

And you have to accept what they choose, even if it isn't what you chose.

The stakes are high for them - but their stakes are not your stakes. You must stay on the path.

So - before you email that article or text that podcast to someone, stop yourself. Let yourself internalize the lesson first. And then, as you grow, share the good news with gentleness.

I hope this helps!

-Dave LaGue

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