June 11, 2024 - Read Online​

Years ago, I worked part-time at a small church in Kansas City.

There were four of us on staff. We gathered weekly to discuss how to help the people in our church who were in need and to pray for them. In one of these meetings Bill, the lead pastor, told us about a hard decision he had to make. He said one of the members reached out to him to get lunch together and talk about a sensitive and awkward topic. Bill didn’t want to do the lunch, and he didn’t have extra time in his week for it. But then he said, “I asked myself ‘what would a good pastor do?’ and the answer became clear. I want to be a good pastor, so I chose to go to lunch with him.”

You may think that a pastor saying, “what would a good pastor do?” before he decides to help makes him less genuine. I disagree. We have to be honest before we can become genuine. Humans learn by playing make-believe. Asking “what would a good pastor do?” is the way a pastor becomes a good pastor.

This simple question is more powerful than it looks. With it we can gain the clarity we need to do the right thing in spite of conflicting emotions.

Here are some examples:

• You are an aspiring writer, and you know you need to get to bed before 10pm so you can wake up early to write. You find yourself at 9pm at the end of a long day and you want to turn on Netflix. Ask “What would a good writer do?”
• Your child threw a hammer, and it shattered the windshield of your car. Ask “What would a good parent do?” Would a good parent love his car or his kid more? If you exploded at your child, would a good parent repair the relationship after the fact?
• Your friend went through a bad breakup last week. She also is having trouble at her work. One day on your drive home your phone rings and you see it’s her. You don’t want to talk because you find the whole thing uncomfortable. And you feel ashamed for not wanting to talk. Ask “What would a good friend do?”
• You are leaving for work and you see a windy night has knocked over your neighbor’s recycling bin. Paper and cardboard are strewn down the street. Ask “What would a good neighbor do?”

There is a way to get this wrong though. Remember, this question is not “what will make my friend happy?” or “what will make my kids not mad at me?”

Sometimes the answer to this question will lead to conflict before it leads to peace.

There are many times when “What would a good dad do?” leads me to tell my kids “We aren’t going to do that thing you want to do.”

The answer to “what would a good daughter do?” might make your dad unhappy with you.

Asking “What would a good partner do?” might lead to a separation or break-up.

And if the answer is “I don’t know” that is a good thing! If you don’t know what a good person would do, that means it’s time to wait. Think about it. Ask questions. Clarity will come. Sometimes waiting solves the problem all by itself.

Gaining clarity on what to do next is one of the most important aspects of self-mastery.

-Dave

-----

Thank you for reading this! If you are a subscriber, I hope these are helpful for you.

If you were forwarded this message and would like to subscribe (I send something like this weekly and am committed to not spam you) you can subscribe here.

Also - if you know someone who would enjoy reading this kind of content - please forward this over to them.